So I was reading over Her shoulder the other night by covertly inserting my small, flexible body onto the back of the couch (Bite it, Nessa), and instead of finding 101 Ways to Be a Better Dog Owner, or What Your Jack Russell Wants, or even, The Mystical Power of Dog Treats, She’s reading Prufrock. [...]
I bet you’ve been wondering. Nessa being a girl, and Her being a girl and the Girl being a girl and what with the way that kind all sticks together – Hell, I was wondering too. Top. Dog. But glad to say, I’m still top dog around here. Here’s the evidence: Who does [...]
She got home this week. And if it hadn’t been for this 826-pound, six foot, hairy Muppet sucking up all the attention, I might have enjoyed three beautiful She-free weeks with Him. On the bed. In the bed. On Her pillow now that I think about it. Those were the days. Extra treats. Extra time. [...]
No sooner had I managed to get over the addition of five more bird brains to the rich tapestry that is life at Oldmeadow, and had the attention that I so richly deserve focused on creatures that deserve to be served crispy with a splash of Hoisin, than I was dealt a savage blow of [...]
Ducklings. Because things aren’t bad enough. It’s been a long month. He’s home. She’s home more. The Girl is home too, which means I can’t get into her bedroom for some high quality snacking off of used plates and a casual root around in the bathroom. He’s “in meetings all day.” So evidently it [...]
Dogs do a lot of embarrassing things. I get that and I make no excuses for me or my kind. I am what I am. But what I am not, is a middle-aged human who exploits tenuous ancestral ties and an interest in raunchy poetry to throw a debauched birthday tribute party based on drinking [...]
Mungo was a little late on posting this one (I do wish he'd do his own computer work), but I'll have him know that not only did I plant the bulbs, the pot ghetto is cleared, the tropicals are shivering in the garage, and there's a wreath on the door. The fact that I haven't [...]
Well it’s been a hell of a summer. Not that it’s over yet, but I know the signs. For one, She’s given the chickens the run of the garden for the last two weeks. That means She’s stopped being OCD about the details of this year’s garden and is thinking about next year. That means [...]
Here’s something fun to do if you’re bored. And you’re a dog. (And I’m both some days.) Freak Them out. I mean REALLY. Freak. Them. Out. It’s easy enough, especially if you’ve let Them think all these years that They’ve trained you to stay off the furniture unless you ask permission. (You know..lay your head [...]
Yep. Big snore fest. Shots of Gisele Bündchen were worth opening my eyes for every once and awhile. Even Frisco thinks she's fine and he has the sexuality of a soft toy. But that was pretty much it. Evidently punting is playing these days. There's a better way. It's called hockey. Go Caps. Can't sleep [...]
It's difficult to describe this guy. On the one hand, He's hard. He's a former Gulf War infantry marine. Gruff. Pretty high tolerance for pain. He once pulled out his own tooth because he couldn't see the surgeon 'till after the weekend. No really. That happened. When He's not doing undecipherable tech stuff, He likes [...]
I guess it makes sense. I've been referred to as rat, rat-dog, rat-man, and pig-dog (I think that last one had something to do with my hairless belly), so why not use me as a guinea pig to write the first post using some totally new, hopped-up version of Word Press that Millennial developers concocted [...]
I could totally be a beach bum. Sand - no problem. I've got a wire coat, nothing sticks to it. Surf - I'm faster than any wave and dry off in 1.3 minutes with a stiff breeze and a towel. Babes - Well, look at me. Obviously not an issue. This weekend They [...]
Short story? Tempus fugit. Waiting for a groundhog. It's what I do. Yeah, I know - big words for a dog, but I've gotten used to using a bit of Latin when I'm hanging with Molly. She's a Corgi - probably royal bloodlines - and appreciates me for more than just [...]
Did you see that game?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?! I can hardly dictate this to Siri. Seriously, I'm a little verklempt. It's been a long night. He and The Girl and me have been partying like The Caps never won that cup before. Oh wait. THEY HAVEN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, I haven't been on the planet as long as [...]
When I say ‘a bear’ I mean bear-like. Like, as big as a bear, only maybe bigger. He wanted a piece of me and he got it. That’s one mean little groundhog. Except it wasn’t little. Just making sure you’re clear on this. Now I’ve got this thing wrapped around my head, the cone [...]
So, they left me. They totally left me. Never mind the fact that The Boy and I have a special bond, and maybe, just maybe, he’d like to have me at his boot camp graduation more than he’d like to have a couple weepy parents that won’t leave him alone in front of whatever [...]
I'm not really into terms like 'best friend.' It sounds like something The Girl would say, and dogs have way more dignity than to do their nails together and watch 50 First Dates until 2 in the morning; but it would get confusing if I said what he really is: my brother from another [...]
These people don't get it. I. Just. Want. The. Ball. It really doesn't matter which one. Just something round. Something that bounces, or doesn't. Something that's green, or isn't. I seriously don't care - I just want you to throw it. And throw it again. Oh, and I'll bring it back and drop it [...]
Well, this is gonna be sad – Siri started crying while I was dictating drafts. Just warning you ahead of time if you don’t like that kind of thing. She doesn’t. That’s why She’s been acting like it’s just another week. Making dumb jokes about having to do all the heavy stuff in the [...]
